Annals of Japery

June 1, 2012

A Note on the Paper: An Encomium to Larry 1


The tree that became this particular book was a 37-year-old spruce, tall and sturdy, by the name of Larry. Larry was a happy tree, home to children who enjoyed swinging from a tire attached via rope to one of his lower branches. The marks from the rope can be witnessed in the upper left-hand corners of pages 134 and 136.

April 3, 2012

Killer Read 2


This is the Reading Group Guide for the new psychological thriller, The Reading Group Killer. 1. Which member of your group do you think is most likely to be plotting the death of everyone else in the room?

 2. Are you sure?

January 25, 2012

Why I Must Charge People Fees for Their Own Art 14


People don’t want to buy rocking chairs anymore. But the lack of sales doesn’t stop people from making them. As a result, we rocking chair sellers have come up with a solution.

August 25, 2011

Paris, Wikipedia, and My Middle Age Crisis 7


The crisis goes on like this night and day. It matters little whether I’m on YouTube, watching television, flipping through my wife’s magazines or churning through RSS feeds and Twitter updates, there are always endless amounts of famous, middle-age men to look up.

May 10, 2011

The Dog Massage 3


I am an old dog, yes, but like to think that I’m open to new tricks.

November 24, 2010

The Hot Stove Report: A Parody 3


Now that the 2010 season has ended, it’s time to look at the off-season transactions that will shape next year’s division rivalries and pennant races.  Here, then, are a few of baseball’s most notable available free agents.

September 28, 2010

T-Shirts I Have Known 4


Remembering vanished shirts is a somewhat wistful thing. Each one means so much, yet each will disappear.

September 27, 2010

Bulletin: Interview with Tom McCarthy, General Secretary, INS 8


This arboreal carnage seemed fitting, however, prior to a meeting with a man who teaches a class on Catastrophe, and who founded the International Necronautical Society, whose mission is to “map, enter, colonise and, eventually, inhabit” the space of death.

August 27, 2010

Again, I Ask: Are Picture Books Leading Our Children Astray? 12


The next time you’re in the supermarket, inspect a box of Alpha-Bits. What you’ll find in that milk-splashed bowl will shake you to your core.

August 11, 2010

Fourth-Grade Summer Reading: Portnoy’s Complaint 9


Portnoy complained about EVERYTHING. I probably should’ve picked Diary of A Wimpy Kid.