Annals of Japery Archives - The Millions

April 26, 2017

That Glorious Syllable: On ‘On’ 1

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A preposition wrapped in an adverb wrapped in an enigma, on is a tiny word, yet it contains multitudes.

March 31, 2017

Trump in the Bardo 0

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After a time, Mr. Vollman said, If that man is the President, I believe I would prefer to stay on here. To remain within my sick-box, apart from the other place. The Reverend and myself, I am saddened to report, were obliged to agree.

March 22, 2017

A Guy Who Wants His Friends to Read the Book He Wrote: An Oral History 4

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At one point he told me it was, like, a crime thriller? But then at another point, it sounded like he was writing a comedy, but with sports in it. And then he said it was an “elegiac meditation on life,” but when he said it, I’m pretty sure he mispronounced “elegiac.”

March 17, 2017

The League of Extraordinary Critics 0

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Hume was sued after putting George Plimpton in a chokehold, convinced that one of the dilettante’s witticisms was cribbed from a Martial epigram. Hume wouldn’t release him until two Commentary editors and William Styron assured him that the bon mot was most definitely a Plimpton original.

November 23, 2016

Like a Fried Egg Sliding off a Fat Man’s Naked Thigh: 18 Incredible Fair-Use Similes 0

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As a public service, I’m supplying the general public with the following fair-use similes. Sprinkle them throughout your own writing and be amazed by the lift in the overall quality of your work.

October 31, 2016

The Five Scariest Books Ever Written 6

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Here are five absolute chillers that will have you turning pages deep into the night — and are guaranteed to have your teeth a-chattering as you pray for the sun to rise!

September 30, 2016

Fates and Furies on Twitter 3

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What if Lotto and Mathilde were both to tweet?

September 28, 2016

A Fourth Time, I Ask: Are Picture Books Leading Our Children Astray? 6

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There are simply too many books on our children’s shelves that, through deceptively cheery artwork and sly subversion, are destroying our tots from within.

September 23, 2016

The Art of Compassion: On Donald Trump’s Hats 3

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The man’s daughter believes the hat could sink the campaign. She does not understand irony. And so she is shocked when hip kids one borough over begin requesting the hat.

August 22, 2016

An Open Letter to the Teenager Who Ruined My Copy of ‘Ragtime’ 8

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You destroyed Doctorow’s masterpiece; the least you can do is understand my frustration.