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What We Talk about When We Talk about Crying: John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars

By posted at 6:00 am on February 28, 2013 11

coverA friend of mine told me I should read The Fault in Our Stars, John Green’s young adult bestseller, after she finished it last fall. “I cried my eyes out,” she said. When I walked up to the counter of a bookstore, a few weeks later, with The Fault in Our Stars in my hand, the manager said, “This is the only book that’s ever made me cry on the subway.” I read it in one sitting, and then it was I who was thusly cry-sharing to everyone I could find. “Just read The Fault in Our Stars in a hotel in Denver,” I texted my friend, “Will now go cry forever.”

It keeps going. In December I told my friend that all I wanted for my birthday was for her to read the book before my party. That afternoon she wrote me: “Well, I won’t ruin your birthday by showing up not having read that book, but I’m afraid I will ruin it by sobbing uncontrollably all night.” Another friend, last week, wrote to let me know that she had read the book in one day. “I have a headache from crying,” was her take.

For the last two months, no more than a few days ever go by before I’m talking to someone about The Fault in Our Stars, either because I’m begging them to read it, or because they’ve just finished reading it at my prompting. And what we talk about, always, is the crying. Be ready to cry, I say, don’t read it in public, make sure you have plenty of time to read the last 100 pages in one go. And then they tell me how much they cried, how it surprised them, even after all my promises.

Another friend needed a vacation book and asked me, “What’s that book you’re always talking about? The super sad one.”

I began to feel uncomfortable about my relationship with this book. It’s a sad book, to be sure, about two teenagers who meet in a support group for kids with cancer, but it’s also joyful, hopeful, wise, funny, romantic, and genuinely inspirational. So why, in my efforts to share this joy and hope with other people, did I keep saying, go be unspeakably sad for as long as it takes you to read a 300-page book?

I think that when we talk about The Fault in Our Stars, we go straight to the unspeakable sadness, out of all the emotions evoked, because we want to convey the incredible emotional resonance of the book. What we’re trying to say is: this book mattered deeply to me, I think it could matter deeply to you too. At some point I stopped experiencing this book as fiction, and started experiencing it personally. I read fiction so that the characters’ stories, for the time that I’m reading the book, or hopefully longer, will be important to me. And for as many books as I go through, it’s rare for one to succeed. What we’re trying to say to each other is that this is one of those rare books; that you will love the characters the way you love real people, they will make you laugh and cry and want to live a better life. We’re saying, I felt something transforming. You should feel it too.

How disappointing of us, that instead of saying any of this, we yap, “I cry! You cry! We all cry!” at each other like nimrods who’ve never articulated an emotion before. (“Hope you’re ready to cry!” said the young adult librarian when I checked out two of John Green’s earlier books. “I am!” I chirped back.) How disappointing of me, who ostensibly makes a trade of describing books to other people. I have an extensive vocabulary for books with flaws; books that fall short of the ideal. But when the ideal book comes along, I’m stumped. Is The Fault in Our Stars without flaw? Probably not. But I don’t remember what any of them are, because all I remember is how much I loved it, and apparently I don’t have a vocabulary for this situation. I’ve decided to work on that.

In the meantime, you should read The Fault in Our Stars. Besides a small infinity of other things, it will make you cry.





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11 Responses to “What We Talk about When We Talk about Crying: John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars”

  1. Did you feel that? | david foster wallace
    at 9:08 am on February 28, 2013

    [...] The Fault in our Stars: the ideal Wallacean novel? I raise this question after reading this review of the young adult novel over at The Millions. Has anyone read [...]

  2. Therese
    at 10:47 am on February 28, 2013

    Great post! really makes me think carefully about what I mean when I say “that book was soooooo gooood!” and try to force all my friends to read it.

    (on my short-list of “I feel a lot of emotion that I don’t have words to describe” are Peace Like a River, The Giver, and Time Traveler’s Wife).

    I will add this to my stack of sad books (on top of Year of Magical Thinking) for the unlikely occasion that I would volunteer for 300 pages of that. (This stack sits right next to my dusty stack of pop culture books populated primarily by Thomas Friedman tomes).

  3. Faryal
    at 2:03 pm on February 28, 2013

    While I love John Green and appreciate the fact that The Fault in Our Stars was very emotional for a lot of people, it didn’t make me cry, or even come close to it. What did make me cry was Looking for Alaska!

  4. Rebecca Romney
    at 4:33 pm on February 28, 2013

    I avoided this book initially because I heard it was a really sad but still inspirational book about kids with cancer. I thought, “Yeah, not interested in that kind of emotional manipulation.”

    Eventually all the rave reviews convinced me to pick it up anyway. And I adored it.

    Yes, I cried, but its capacity to give me a good cry isn’t why I loved it so much. It’s full of excellent bite-size philosophical ideas that are well conceived and flawlessly written. Its tone hits the mark: the right amount of black humor, smart and clever allusion, and pithiness.

    Like you, I’m now a John Green missionary. Read The Fault in Our Stars, if you haven’t yet!

  5. Janet
    at 7:15 pm on February 28, 2013

    I also keep recommending this book to people. And I admit I got weepy just reading about you reading it. But what I keep telling friends is that TFIOS will make you believe in LOVE and the amazing power of human strength. Yes, you are going to cry (but a lot of books make me cry); you are also going to laugh and learn and meet some fabulous characters who may inspire you to live your life completely. Maybe I should start warning people though, to get extra tissues at least :)

  6. The Perks of the Borrower’s Debt | ashley strosnider
    at 10:19 pm on February 28, 2013

    [...] a pretty insightful article over at The Millions, Janet Potter discusses how she pushed John Green’s TFIOS on her friends, much as I did, with a [...]

  7. Critical Linking: March 1, 2013
    at 6:01 am on March 1, 2013

    [...] We, collectively, are pretty bad about talking about the books we love. [...]

  8. Recommendations from Strayed, drunks who happen to be great writers | The Readist
    at 4:37 pm on March 3, 2013

    [...] ♦ The emotions of The Fault in Our Stars – http://tinyurl.com/d94acda [...]

  9. You Don’t Have to Cry About It, or How I Am a Secret Cylon | Annie Cardi
    at 2:39 pm on March 5, 2013

    [...] Millions has a great post about John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars and how we talk about books that make an emotional impact. Janet Potter says that she and others recommend The Fault in Our Stars by saying how much they [...]

  10. Ashna
    at 3:16 am on August 5, 2013

    The fault in our stars changed my life.
    It made me cry alot.

  11. John Green: The Fault In Our Stars (Dutton Books, 2012) | A Just Recompense
    at 6:23 am on May 31, 2014

    […] quality or an emotional story, but a few weeks ago I saw a passionate review of this book by Janet Potter on The Millions. Many of the comments made about it during the recent Tournament of Books resonated […]

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